Feeling Alone
'People have convinced themselves that love is a force that makes the world go round!'
Dr. David Burns
Being alone or being left alone is seen by many of us as something undesirable. This thought brings with it social fears such as abandonment and exclusion. And sometimes we really are alone, and we find ourselves feeling crushed because of it. When we spend time with our partner, family or friends, we feel loving and content. Because of the pleasure we get from social settings, and partly because of social norms, being alone starts to look like something we don't really want. But do we really need others in order to feel loving and content? In that case, is everyone who is married or constantly spending time with friends and family happy? Or is everyone who is alone unhappy?
If your answer is yes, we're sorry to say you're mistaken. If being with someone really brings happiness, why do troubled relationships exist?
Being alone shouldn't be something we're forced into and don't want. Think about the care and attention you show when someone you love and value comes to your home. We dress more carefully, prepare the best treats possible, and try to welcome and host our guest with all the attention and warmth we can. When you show yourself the same care, you'll see that being 'alone' isn't such a bad thing. We get most of the basic satisfactions of life from ourselves. There are so many ways to make ourselves happy! I've made a list of things I enjoy doing on my own and that do me good. Maybe you'll have a better time on a date you set with yourself, or when you have to be on your own!
List of Things I Enjoy Doing When I'm Alone:
- Reading a book
- Watering the flowers
- Tidying up the house
- Walking among the olive groves
- Listening to music
- Cooking
- Browsing in shops
- Watching a series under a blanket
- Having coffee at a café
Does this list, or the things that come to mind, not seem that enjoyable? Then I'd like to use Dr. Burns's Pleasure-Predicting Sheet to show you that you might be wrong. In the form, I'd like you to record the date of the activity in the first column, the activity in the second column, who you did it with in the third column, the satisfaction you expect from the activity in the fourth column, and the percentage of how much you actually enjoyed it in the fifth column. At the end of the form, you'll see that even when you're on your own, or doing a task with some effort, you can get more satisfaction than you expected from the things you do!
By sharing the activities I did on this form, I was able to see that I can have fun even when I'm alone, and that spending time on my own is more enjoyable than I expected. I also realized that things I found hard to do and kept failing to start weren't actually that challenging, and I wanted to share it with you as an example.
I hope you discover the enjoyable sides of being alone and
enjoy the time you spend with yourself!
