Individual Healing Against Collective Pain
The world has changed… Everywhere is left in pain...
I can't be entirely sure whether the real cause of so much pain is that the world has changed, or the growing awareness that comes with age, but I can feel the depth it brings. Walking around "happily" with headphones in, then seeing the helplessness of stray animals and feeling guilty about it; avoiding following the news to stay away from pain; trying not to hear the news so as not to be upset — all of this serves the purpose of ignoring either the world's change or the painful awareness that comes with my own growth.
'How we look at life is related to how we see ourselves.
Sometimes we find existing meaningless and feel worthless. In such situations, I prefer to look at life through a microscope. This shows me the value, the sanctity, of my existence. Sometimes we feel that our troubles are eternal, and we surrender to our unhappiness. We have no desire, no strength left to try new things. In such situations, I prefer to look at life through a telescope. Not even being a speck of dust in this vast universe gives the impression that my troubles, too, are fleeting. Being a simple link in the endless chain of existence and time can, in some situations, bring a feeling of relief.
As human beings, we are both very important and very unimportant. Being able to change our perspective gives us great freedom. Today, would you like to look at life through a microscope, or through a telescope?'
I wanted to begin my piece by sharing a short note I had written before, using the metaphor of looking at life through a microscope and a telescope, in order to emphasize the importance of one's perspective on life. This metaphor took on new meaning for me in the wake of the intense collective issues of recent times. When I look at life through a telescope, I've started to see not the small troubles that will come and go, but the difficulty, pain, and grief experienced by all of humanity. To cope with these, instead of focusing on the enormous world that I cannot change, I decided to switch to the microscope, giving my own uniqueness the attention it needs, calming it down in the face of what it has seen, and telling it that I am there for it.
Each of us has a different way of coping with the difficulties we experience. While these coping methods are influenced somewhat by our temperament, they mostly vary according to what we have seen and learned in our environment up to now. At this point, when some people see the problems of all humanity through the telescope, or focus on their individual problems through the microscope, they may try dysfunctional ways such as self-harm, using alcohol or substances, smoking, or showing violence.
No matter which window we look through at the difficulties we face, when we realize that the reactions shown in response to abnormal events are normal reactions, and when we choose relatively functional paths, we may feel a little more at ease. At this point, even though we may not individually have the power to stop forest fires, femicides, international crises, or the pandemic, the individual adjustments we make can help us both accept and come to terms with ourselves and what we've experienced, and, with the calm state of mind this gives us, help those around us.
At this point, we've compiled some individual adjustments that will bring a small measure of relief against such great pain.
Monitor Your Social Media Use and Information Sources. Exposing ourselves to uncontrolled information about distressing events will cause us to become detached from the reality of the situation, from our routines, and from our responsibilities, and will prevent us from being able to make healthy decisions. At this point, limiting our use of social media and phones, and regulating our TV time, in the face of the difficulties we experience or witness as a society, will prevent us from being exposed to uncontrolled information.
Maintain Your Daily Routine. Even though it's normal to withdraw and pull away from social life after painful life events, returning to routine as soon as possible helps preserve the sense of control we have over life, and helps us feel a little better.
Do Activities That Bring Your Emotions to the Surface. Just as "feel-good" emotions like happiness and joy are a normal part of being human, so too are uncomfortable, "stifling" emotions like anger, worry, and anxiety just as normal and universal. At this point, accepting the uncomfortable emotions we feel — such as anger, worry, anxiety, and sadness — instead of avoiding them and denying them, is the first step to healthy coping. The next step is to bring the emotions to the surface and to experience the emotion as it is. At this point, painting and writing are among the most effective ways to bring feelings to the surface.
Get Support. Even though it's difficult, accepting the difficulties we're going through and sharing our pain and anger with people in similar situations is another way to help us feel a little better, through the thought "I am understood." What matters here is that, when seeking support, we look for conversations that help us feel understood and get help in accepting our pain — not ones that increase our anger, resentment, or pain — and that we help others with that same intention.
Help. Even though we cannot personally intervene in the events that happen, the small contributions we make bring about change. Supporting shelters and volunteers for stray animals; joining efforts in support of women's rights; not littering; creating awareness for change even in just one person — these will be the most effective steps we can take toward easing the pain we've had to live through, or been exposed to.
With the wish that all living beings may live in a safe, happy, and peaceful world…
Registered Psychotherapist Duygu ÇANKAYA ÇADIRCIOĞLU
Sources:
Podcast: Acil Çıkış; Öfke, İğrenme, Üzüntü Dolu Günler. (https://open.spotify.com/episode/4ZD4LoaK6dBsDxoxBScBNa?si=56f04100747e4740)
