MIGRATION: A Huge Dilemma
Migration often brings with it one of life's deepest internal conflicts. On one hand, there is the desire to build a new life; on the other, there is the attachment to roots, family, habits, and a sense of belonging. These two aspects clash, and the person feels as if they want to both leave and stay at the same time. This situation is called "competitive commitments" in psychology.
Competing commitment is when an individual, while wanting to achieve a goal (for example, establishing themselves in a new country), simultaneously adheres to another belief or value that conflicts with that goal. These internal commitments slow down or sometimes completely halt the decision-making process. Even if the person desires change, their mind guides them to maintain the existing balance.
For example, an immigrant might say, "I want to live a freer life in a new country," but at the same time, they might firmly believe, "I will feel lonely if I am separated from my family." These two attachments compete in the person's mind. As a result, the individual may experience prolonged indecision, regret after indecision, or inner turmoil.
Recognizing these competing allegiances is invaluable. Often, resistance to change stems not from a lack of willpower, but from the unconscious influence of these conflicting allegiances. To make a healthy decision about whether to “go” or “stay,” one must first recognize the invisible allegiances within oneself, and then question the underlying assumptions of those allegiances.
"Will I really be alone?"
"Is my bond with my family based solely on physical proximity?"
"Is it possible to carry my roots with me?"
With this awareness, a person can now make decisions in accordance with their values, rather than out of fear.
However, based on our personal and clinical experience, we can confidently say that the issue doesn't end there. This 'indecision' continues even after migration. Many things change with migration; country, language, environment, roles… Often, the internal conflicts at the moment of decision continue after migration. Even if a person has physically moved to a new country, they may still feel mentally stuck "between going and staying." This indicates that competing allegiances are still active. When the decision to migrate is made, the person develops an allegiance such as "building a better future"; however, at the same time, the allegiance to "preserving their old identity, culture, or relationships" also persists. Because these two aspects are contradictory, the individual may experience a conflict of belonging or constant internal questioning even after migration. For example, the possibility of returning is always in the back of their mind, they carry feelings of not belonging to the country they are in, or they feel guilt thinking about those they left behind when they settle down in the country they migrated to.
Especially after migrating, individuals can redefine themselves and their identity by bringing together their old and new lives. They begin to rediscover questions such as:
"Who am I, caught between two cultures?"
"How can I reconcile my old self with my new self?"
"Is it possible to feel a sense of belonging without actually belonging somewhere?"
With this awareness, competing allegiances can gradually transform. One can experience striking a balance not between “staying” or “returning,” but between “being here while carrying one’s roots.” This involves remaining true to the past while adapting to the demands of a new life, accepting the pain and suffering that comes with both choices.
Source:
