A New Year's Note: Our Values
As another year comes to an end, I wanted to share what this year has given me and how I need to prepare for the year ahead in order to reach my life goals. For me, 2019 was a year of adapting to the changes I went through at the end of the previous year. This year, outside of my routine, I faced losses and new beginnings. I can also say that 2019 was a year of awareness for me. The training I attended, my master's courses, my experiences in work life… Actually, looking at it, the things I mention aren't very out of the ordinary. But what is new for me is gaining the ability to look at what goes on in my life with different eyes. I know this is a process too. But even though I'm just at the beginning of the path of awareness, developing this skill has done me a lot of good. As I said, I'm at the very beginning of the road. In fact, I feel that no matter how old I get, I'll always be 'new' to life. Every new year, every new age, there will surely be things to learn. The experiences, novelties, joys and pains of each age will be different and 'new'. Even the routine will feel new, or at least that's how I see it. Then there's the whirlpool of 'whatever I do, everything's the same, every day is the same.' What matters here is that, just as I am 'new' to every year, every year and every day should also feel 'new' to me. To look at each day with curiosity and enthusiasm through the eyes of the child within you! That's when colours become more vivid and faces clearer. With that excitement and enthusiasm, everything is brighter!
In these days when everything really is brighter, among the New Year decorations, a 'New Year's to-do list' is always made. Because a new year means the start of new things! In these days, the child within us becomes a little more visible than at other times of the year: happy because of the lights all around, excited about what the new year will bring!
And now let's look at the end of the year: having entered 2019 with enthusiasm and set goals for myself, what I'm left with is 'well, it didn't work out again, I never properly started exercising', 'I'm still not working in a job that suits me', 'I still haven't learned to say no' and a list of other things I didn't manage…
Of course, none of this matters! Because a new year is here with me, and in this new year I'll have new goals, like starting to exercise, learning to say no and drinking plenty of water. This to-do list will stay on the agenda for a while and then most likely be forgotten. The same vicious circle…
This year, instead of making a new to-do list and forgetting its items after a while, how about keeping that enthusiastic and truly excited child within you alive all year long!
Instead of focusing all your attention on your goals, I'd like you to focus on the values that will take you to your goals.
Our values help us push our limits to reach our goals even when things get hard. If our goals are long-term and difficult, they help us stand firm against all the difficulties we'll face along the way.
Our values are like a compass. If we set goals that are important to us and suit us, they show us the way to reach them.
Our values help us feel whole and fulfilled on the path we take toward our goals.
*Of course, we may not reach every goal, but we feel the satisfaction of living in line with our aims and standing by our values.
With the exercise below, how about clarifying your core values as you enter a new year, and enjoying the process instead of being goal-focused? We'd like you to focus on the exercise as much as possible.
For each value in the list below,
write 1 = Not important, 2 = Quite important, 3 = Very important.
Acceptance: Being accepting of myself, others and life.
Adventure: Being adventurous; actively exploring, discovering and having stimulating experiences.
Assertiveness: Respectfully standing up for my rights and asking for what I want.
Authenticity: Being genuine and real with myself and others
Beauty: Appreciating the beauty in myself, in others and in nature.
Caring: Being caring toward myself, others or the environment.
Challenge: Pushing my limits to grow, learn and improve.
Compassion: Being kind to those who are suffering.
Contribution: Making a positive difference by helping myself and others.
Conformity: Respecting and following rules and obligations.
Connection: Fully engaging in what I'm doing and being fully present with others.
Cooperation: Working together and collaborating with others.
Courage: Being brave; standing firm in the face of fear, threat or danger.
Creativity: Being creative and innovative.
Curiosity: Being open-minded and interested; exploring and discovering.
Encouragement: Rewarding values in myself or others.
Equality: Treating others as equal to myself.
Excitement: Engaging in exciting, stimulating activities.
Fairness: Being fair to myself and others.
Fitness: Looking after my physical and mental health and wellbeing.
Flexibility: Adjusting and adapting quickly to changing circumstances.
Freedom: Choosing how I behave in life and helping others to do the same.
Friendliness: Being friendly, understanding and agreeable toward others.
Forgiveness: Being forgiving toward myself and others.
Fun: Focusing on fun-filled activities.
Generosity: Sharing and giving to myself and others.
Gratitude: Being grateful and thankful for all aspects of myself, others and life.
Honesty: Being honest, truthful and sincere with myself and others.
Humour: Seeing and appreciating the humorous side of life.
Humility: Being humble and modest.
Independence: Supporting myself and doing things my own way.
Intimacy: Opening up and sharing myself in my close personal relationships.
Justice: Upholding justice and equality.
Kindness: Being kind, compassionate, understanding, caring and considerate toward myself and others.
Love: Approaching myself and others with love and affection.
Mindfulness: Being conscious and aware; open and curious about all my experiences here and now.
Order: Being orderly and organized.
Open-mindedness: Seeing things from others' points of view and weighing evidence fairly.
Patience: Waiting calmly and tolerantly for what I want.
Persistence: Continuing resolutely despite problems or difficulties.
Pleasure: Creating and giving pleasure to myself and others.
Power: Taking charge, leading and organizing, while resisting authority or pressure over others.
Reciprocity: Building relationships with a fair balance of giving and taking.
Respect: Being respectful toward myself and others; acting in a polite and considerate way.
Responsibility: Taking responsibility for my actions and their consequences.
Romance: Being romantic; expressing love or strong affection.
Safety: Securing and protecting the safety of myself and others.
Self-awareness: Being aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions.
Self-care: Meeting my needs by looking after my health and wellbeing.
Self-development: Growing and developing in knowledge, skills, character and life experience.
Self-control: Acting in line with my own ideals.
Sensuality: Exploring, creating and enjoying experiences that engage my five senses.
Skilfulness: Continually practising and improving my skills, and giving myself fully when using them.
Supportiveness: Being supportive, helpful and encouraging toward myself and others.
Trust: Being trustworthy, loyal, faithful, sincere and reliable.
Write your own values that aren't on the list here.
After rating each value in the list as 1 = Not important, 2 = Quite important, 3 = Very important, go over the list once more and mark the six that matter most to you.
Now we'd like you to write these six values on a piece of paper, carry it with you over the next few months and look at it from time to time. Because the more you connect with your core values, the more motivated and inspired you will be, and the more you will act in harmony with them as you move toward your goals.
Note: There can be big gaps between our values and our behaviour. We can't live by our values at every moment of our lives. We don't have to. At any moment in life, one value may take precedence over another or even change completely. Without being rigid, I can stay committed to my values for as long as they motivate me.
This year, I'm choosing the values of self-care, self-development, trust, authenticity and freedom so that I can be 'the me I feel at peace with', but without forcing myself. As long as I feel it's doing me good.
Someone who wants to climb Mount Everest will most likely hold the values of courage, self-development and adventure. Even if this person doesn't manage to climb Everest, when they live bravely and adventurously in line with their values, they will feel whole and like someone who has lived according to their values. With the excitement of the child within, the satisfaction they get from life will be great.
So this year, instead of making a to-do list and boxing yourself in, how about choosing a list of values and spending a more flexible year in line with them?
We wish you a happy year in which you reach your goals and enjoy the journey along the way!
Source:
Harris, R. Özgüven Boşluğu (2019), Diyojen Yayıncılık.
