'Put Yourself at the Center'
We recently watched Cem Yilmaz's new film "Do Not Disturb." Those who've seen it will already know, but for those who haven't, the film offers a sharp critique of the new social-media-driven world order and of social media's self-development gurus. At this point, as psychologists who also post on social media ourselves, it's hard not to agree with Cem Yilmaz's criticism. We have to turn the needle on ourselves too and admit that mental health content shared on social media can end up not speaking to society as a whole, not understanding it, and not translating into people's actual feelings.
One line in the film that caught my attention goes: "Put yourself at the center, put yourself at the center... Who am I? Maybe I'm a piece of s***, why would I put myself at the center?"
After hearing this line, I realized, as a psychologist, that I've given this same kind of advice to quite a number of my clients. Then I asked myself whether I'd been making a mistake in doing so. And I'm not the only one giving this advice, either. As the film touches on, many social media personal-development influencers encourage people to put themselves at the center.
So should people really put themselves at the center? Or, looking at it another way, what would the social consequence be if everyone put themselves at the center?
In my view, Cem Yilmaz is really answering the second question here, saying that the "put yourself at the center" call made to society at large through social media may or may not help people who've spent their whole lives growing up to please others, always striving for others, always caring about other people's opinions, to finally put themselves at the center — but it does legitimize people with antisocial personalities, those lacking in empathy, or those with narcissistic traits, unjustly putting themselves at the center.
As a psychologist who has worked extensively with personality disorders, it's hard not to agree with the message behind this line. Even though personal-development content is often shared with good intentions, people's needs differ from one another, and people tend to pick out and internalize the information that confirms their own existing beliefs and knowledge. Because of this, the "put yourself at the center" call made through social media can become a tool that people who are already doing this at a pathological level use to justify themselves.
However (in answer to the first question), supporting people who we believe would genuinely benefit from it — whose social relationships and happiness it would improve — in putting themselves at the center is of course something that should happen, and that's why we try to help our own clients step into the center of their own lives whenever they need to.
To sum up, while "put yourself at the center" isn't a functional phrase to say to society as a whole through social channels, supporting people who currently aren't able to put themselves at the center will be good both for that person and for the people around them.
Msc. Psychologist Malik Kubilay Cadircioglu
