Resilience: The Path to Growth in the Face of Adversity
We can't control what happens to us in life. Especially during this pandemic, seeing the whole world going through similar things helps us grasp the idea that anything in life can happen to anyone. From the moment we begin life, we are surrounded by many things, good and bad. In fact, we are living.
We can't determine whether we will suffer in life. But we can choose the kind of suffering we will go through. Falling apart after a problem, or growing stronger through the pain we endure: it's our decision! You have probably seen many times that some people go through very heavy life events with maturity, while others fall apart over something that seems tiny to us. Whatever problem we face, we decide how we will cope with it. So what is this decision based on? Studies in the field have found that an individual's coping skills are shaped by their personality traits. The personality trait that is very important for coping with the problems we face, and that we want to talk about, is resilience.
Resilience is defined as a person's process of adapting to negative life events or stressful situations. It can also be defined as the capacity to adapt successfully and flexibly to internal and external sources of stress.
The concept of resilience includes two basic steps. These are:
1. Being exposed to a significant and serious threat or a negative life event
2. Achieving positive adaptation despite the negative life event
When individuals complete these two stages, they can be called resilient. So what are the characteristics of resilient people who manage to complete these two stages?
· They are highly able to control impulsive behaviour and to cope with difficult emotions such as anger and anxiety.
· In difficult life circumstances, they have a supportive environment of family and friends who can be there for them when they need it.
· No matter how difficult and traumatic the event, they have a positive outlook on the future.
· They have higher self-esteem and a stronger sense of self-efficacy than others.
Resilience is known to be a process. It isn't possible to say clearly whether someone has resilience or not. Instead of thinking things like, 'I react impulsively, I'm alone and have no one to reach out to, I'm not resilient enough. I don't have resilience,' we offer ways, outlined by the American Psychological Association, that you can use to stretch inwardly and build your resilience. These are:
1. Strengthen your connections with family and friends. Strong connections with others help you get social support when you face difficulties. They prevent feelings such as the hopelessness that comes with loneliness.
2. Don't see negative events as impossible to cope with. Some negative experiences, such as an illness, the loss of a loved one or a worldwide pandemic, fall into the category of things in life we cannot control. We can't control what we face in life, but we can control how we approach it. Seeing what we face as uncontrollable or impossible to cope with can hold back the steps we take toward it.
3. Accept that change can't be changed. While life flows on, we aren't sleeping with our teddy bear in hand and our favourite blanket over us. We grow and develop too, and we encounter new things on life's journey. It's important to know that we can't change or control this, and to have the virtue of handing the steering wheel that isn't ours back to its driver. But you are free to get into the vehicle going in the direction you want!
4. Set goals. Clarifying the values you hold in life and living in the light of those values helps you stay at peace inside, whatever negative life event you face. Having goals helps you stand 'resilient' in the face of difficulties.
5. Take decisive, confident steps toward the traumatic situation. In response to negative experiences, some people withdraw and wait in a corner for their problem to solve itself. Instead, being determined to solve the problem and working on your personal growth in that direction helps you build your resilience.
6. See the problem as an opportunity. Problems are opportunities that let individuals see their own skills and resilience. A person who lives a sheltered life cannot discover their skills and capacity. 'Boundary situations are inevitable situations that people must face.' Karl Jaspers.
7. Keep a positive view of yourself. For difficulties to be resolved in a healthy way, it's important first to have a positive inner attitude toward being able to resolve them. Love yourself, no matter what.
8. Look at the situation from a wider window. At the moment it happens, a negative life event is seen as the only and most important thing in our lives. Is the problem you're facing really the only and most important thing in your life? Or do you really think you'll feel what you're feeling at that moment for the rest of your life? When you look from a wider perspective, you can more easily see the event's real importance in your life.
9. Be optimistic. Being optimistic about events and having a positive outlook on solving problems is an important sign of resilience.
10. Take good care of yourself. Be sensitive to what you feel. Listen to what your body is asking of you. Make time for yourself. Exercising and paying attention to nutrition can be counted among these. A healthy body helps a person be more 'resilient' in the face of stressful situations.
11. Keep doing whatever you think is good for you. Whatever you find helpful, such as prayer, meditation, mindfulness exercises or keeping a journal, keep doing it.
I, too, try to overcome the difficulties I face in daily life by strengthening my inner resilience. I share the problem I had that day with my spouse, or I talk it over with my mother, my father or my friends. Sometimes I just stop and take a deep breath to regulate my reactions, or I bring a positive perspective to the 'problem' I'm facing and try to understand what the other person 'really means'. In some situations, I try to take a step back from the event that is challenging me to understand how much it really matters to me.
Taking good care of yourself, having a positive attitude toward yourself and building healthy social relationships help you be stronger in the face of negative events and stay mentally steady; in fact, they help you be 'resilient'. The life experiences we face, rather than wearing us down, will allow us to grow and develop as individuals afterwards, as we gain something from them, turn crises into opportunities and learn lessons. Stay healthy!
References:
The Construct of Resilience: A Critical Evaluation and Guidelines for Future Work Suniya S. Luthar (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1885202/)
Sorun Çözme Terapisi- Prof. Dr. Mehmet ESKİN (Altınordu Yayınları).
