Things I've Learned from My Cat Tilly
Social psychology classes cover a lot of fascinating topics. During my undergraduate years, while we were studying emotions, my professor gave an example I've never forgotten.
He started by talking about his own cat. He shared that once, while playing, his cat fell from somewhere high, like the sofa, and he laughed about it. So far, so normal — but then he said the cat went off to a secluded corner and stayed there for a while. Since the fall hadn't been from a height that could seriously hurt her, and putting that together with the topic of the lesson, the conclusion was that the cat felt embarrassed.
Years after hearing that story, I met my own furry friend, Tilly, one February day in 2018. Experiencing my professor's example firsthand, discovering a different side of Tilly every day, and not just teaching her but learning so much from her too, has been an experience I can't quite put into words. Rather than telling Kubilay every time about the things I noticed in Tilly, I decided to gather them here and share what I've learned from her with you, in a list.
Practice Self-Care: Tilly tirelessly grooms her long fur whenever she has a spare moment. I'm not even sure how many times a day she does it, but every so often she gives herself a good stretch and yawn to loosen up her whole body. Even in the shortest moments, she always makes sure she gets the care she needs. Paying attention to self-care and meeting your needs really just means giving yourself the care you need. Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical and mental health, and it can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and boost your energy.
Move: One of the most important things I've noticed in Tilly is that she always makes sure to go outside for fresh air, no matter what, and she does this in whatever way her circumstances allow. When we were in Turkey she'd always go out onto the balcony; since coming to Canada she goes out to the yard no matter the season. Even on the days she can't go out at all, she still pokes that tiny nose of hers outside. Moving around, however small, makes a real difference to her mood and energy. Regular physical activity helps reduce the low motivation, constant fatigue, or loss of interest that all of us experience from time to time. Exercise boosts the brain's production of happiness hormones like endorphins and serotonin, which both lifts mood and supports mental flexibility and emotional resilience.
Adapt to Your Environment: Tilly is cautious at first wherever she is and tests her boundaries. After a while, though, she accepts everything as it is, keeps on purring in her new surroundings, and always finds something there to catch her interest — a bag, a box, a candy wrapper, anything. The capacity to adapt to change is a skill that can be developed with practice, and it matters a great deal for our mental health. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences — especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility, and adjusting to external and internal demands.
Stick to Your Routines: Every morning, Tilly gets up and waits eagerly by her food bowl. After she eats, she hops into the bathtub for a nice bath, then sips her coffee 🙂 — okay, not quite that far. She eats, gets in the tub to drink the running water, then runs to the door to go outside. While she waits at the door, she patiently lets us put her harness on. She does this every single day, regardless of season, weekday or weekend. Every time I watch Tilly's routine, I find myself more than a little envious — probably because I tell myself I'll eat healthier and then catch myself snacking on junk food, or I plan to get up at the same time every morning and then somehow an entire week rushes by. Building a routine and sticking to it takes both time and a good deal of willpower. You can also check out our article on that topic — I should probably reread it myself 🙂 Still, seeing how faithfully Tilly keeps to her routines is oddly motivating, because one of the most important ingredients for change is spending time with people, or creatures, whose behavior already reflects the goals we're aiming for!
Communicate in a Healthy Way: Tilly makes her needs known very clearly — usually that means food. At mealtime she walks over to the cupboard where we keep her food and meows. If she wants water from the bathroom tap, she goes there, meows, and then waits patiently until we show up. That's all it takes for her. Once the need is met, the matter is closed. Duygu might be running late with her food; Tilly doesn't add commentary like "Duygu gave me my food late today, what does that mean about me?" she simply states her need. That's it. The lesson I take from this is to practice expressing my needs and letting the matter rest, instead of getting swept up in my own interpretations of what happened and reinterpreting it over and over. That's not always easy, but staying present, rather than wrestling with things we can't change, helps us focus on what's actually happening now. Of course, there's a difference between our capacity for thought and the "old brain versus new brain," but we can still take the useful part as an example for ourselves. The newer brain, the prefrontal cortex, is what lets us interpret events and situations and make complex decisions about them — and it isn't as developed in other creatures as it is in us.
Set Your Boundaries Well: This is one of the first things that comes to mind when people talk about cats. 'Cats come to you when they want affection. 'Oh, isn't it wonderful to be able to do that. Tilly's the same way — if she's grooming herself, for instance, and I try to pet her, she'll somehow let me know she's not in the mood. I think of this as a lovely example for myself. Setting boundaries and protecting them is vital for our mental, physical, and emotional health. You can think of boundaries as an invisible line that separates you — physically, emotionally, and mentally — from other people. These lines help us balance the energy and effort we give to others, so that by prioritizing our own well-being, we can take better care of ourselves.
Stay Curious About Life: Sniffing and investigating anything new that comes into the house, sniffing — and sometimes even nibbling — every single plant outside… Staying close to nature, noticing all its small and significant details, and appreciating it fully is therapeutic and self-healing in its own right. Even without saying or doing anything, we can learn so much simply by connecting with our natural surroundings. It gives us perspective for a healthier life, motivation to keep going, and the energy to try a little harder..
Show Your Love:ve: While this is a topic in itself, these three main points are what I learned from Tilly.
Be there for your loved ones when they need you and offer support: I read a post about cats on Ekşi Sözlük (a Turkish online forum). One user wrote that they were torn between sleeping and staying asleep on the couch, but their feet were so cold they couldn't get up. Then they added that their cat settled on their feet, warmed them up nicely, and then they slept soundly. I experience similar acts of kindness from time to time. Whenever I'm sad, Tilly comes and sits on my lap, settling in comfortably. Whenever I cry, she tries to rub her tiny head against my face. She offers whatever support she can, making me feel her presence.
Do your best to protect those you love: Whenever our upstairs neighbor's silly dog, with whom we don't get along very well regarding boundaries, comes near us, and I don't particularly like it, I run to Tilly. As soon as Tilly gets outside, she confronts that huge dog with her tiny body. As long as Tilly is with me, she never comes near us. For some reason, this gives me a strange sense of security. I know Tilly will be there for me when I need her!
Surprise your loved ones: Although Tilly was born at home, she never lost her hunting instincts. Even when we lived in an apartment, she would watch the birds perched on the balcony for long periods, and when we lived indoors, she would chase the squirrels in the garden for extended durations. Unfortunately, during a few unfortunate incidents, Tilly would catch these creatures and try to bring them to us running...
Be Yourself: At the end of the day, Tilly curling up next to me on the couch, greeting me at the door when I get home, suddenly running around the house wildly, or surprising me—it's all a result of her unashamedly displaying her character traits and simply acting like herself, like a cat. That's what makes her unique. Being yourself, dedicating time to activities you love, engaging in things that make you who you are—that's one of the most important lessons I've learned. Hakan Türkçapar's words in his book, "Notice, Think, Feel, Live," can be taken as an explanation of this: ' Just as a person needs to eat to feel full, happiness similarly comes from engaging in activities that suit oneself and the satisfaction derived from them.'
Bonus: Have some standards, don't eat just any meat 🙂
Sources:
Hakan Türkçapar. (2019). Notice, Think, Feel, Live . Epsilon Publications.
