An Empathy Break: Toward Our Parents

From time to time, when we look back on our childhood and think about what our mother or father did or didn't do for us, we may feel disappointment, anger and hurt.

‘Like mice endlessly running through the same maze, many people spend years going over the same old stories about how their parents disappointed them and ruined their lives.’

❗️As a child, you may have seen your parent as unreachable, selfish, or someone who didn't value you.

❗️ As a child, you may have blamed them, feeling that all the goodwill and love you showed them was never returned.

❗️As an adult, you may have dealt with the anger you felt toward your parent as a child by cutting off contact and choosing to sever your ties.

Whatever happened, you were a child, and you had both physical and emotional needs waiting to be met. But at this point, holding on to anger toward the parent you blame and can't forgive, the parent you feel didn't give you enough love or hold you close enough as a child, will bring you nothing but distress. Instead of thrashing around in that pool of anger, how about this time trying to ask your parent, if possible, what happened to them and how they felt, or, if not, simply thinking about it? Perhaps your parent never received the love and attention they longed for from their own parents either. Perhaps they never learned what it means to show care. How could your parent have given you something they never learned and never knew?

Duygu Çankaya ÇADIRCIOĞLU, Psychotherapist