The "What-the-Hell Effect"
We all have behaviors we'd like to change or adjust. These might include quitting smoking, losing weight, or finishing assigned tasks on time by working steadily. Say, for example, you started a diet. Everything's going fine, but then you went to a get-together with friends and happily ate a slice of cake among all the delicious treats. What do you say to yourself after eating that slice?
'All that effort was for nothing.', 'I won't be able to accomplish anything.' — if you take on a SELF-BLAMING attitude like this, you're likely to turn to more calorie-laden foods after leaving the gathering, or give up on the diet altogether. This effect is known as the What-the-Hell Effect, and we thought we could translate it into our language as the "batti balik yan gider" effect, which loosely means "once the fish has sunk, let it drift." It's defined as canceling the entire plan with a self-blaming attitude the moment we engage in a behavior that derails our intended goal.
Everyone makes mistakes and can engage in behaviors that conflict with their goals. What creates the problem here isn't that behavior itself, but the way we handle it when it doesn't match our goals. So instead of giving in to feelings of regret and guilt and saying "the fish has sunk, let it drift, whatever happens happens" when you engage in a behavior that doesn't fit your goal;
1. Focus on how you feel. How am I feeling? What do I need? How can I comfort the self-blaming child inside me? The answers you give to these questions will help you gain awareness.
2. Don't forget that everyone can make mistakes. We're human, and we have flaws. Everyone can, from time to time, engage in behaviors that conflict with their goals. Someone with tasks they need to get done might put off their important responsibilities and spend the whole day in front of the TV. Someone trying to quit smoking might end up smoking a cigarette again by the end of the second week. These behaviors don't show that the person is completely wrong or mistaken, but that they're on a journey of change.
3. Think about how you would approach a friend who did the same things. If a friend behaved outside of their plans and goals, would you take on an equally accusatory and hostile attitude toward them? Or would you tell them that these behaviors could be part of the path to the goal, and that everyone can make mistakes? When we show ourselves the same care and compassion we show others, guilt will give way to understanding and help us preserve our motivation to reach our goal.
Change is a process, and this process doesn't move forward in a straight line like a line on a graph. Setbacks, fluctuations, and failures are bound to happen. I can experience these setbacks and failures just like anyone else, and that's completely normal.
If we look back at the example at the beginning of the piece, how could you rearrange your inner dialogue after eating that cake, and what could you say to yourself differently?
